Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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