You really coming over, don't trick.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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