how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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