he looks like a really good dad on facebook
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
