Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
