Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
