and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Randomize
