I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
