no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Randomize
