I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
