He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
