Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
