Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
