everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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