your thong is hanging out like whoa
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
