FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
