Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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