You're so nebulous sometimes
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
