I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Banned from zoo.
Again?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
