You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
