i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
