i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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