She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Blood and glitter go together right?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
