i already hear my dad disowning me
Just cropdusted the office
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
