After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
