I didn't shave. On purpose
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
