just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
