Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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