I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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