I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
