Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
