I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
