Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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