Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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