Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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