so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
