and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
