We're like a lot better than the average bears
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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