so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
