you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
