PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
