Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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