We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
