If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
just tell him i said nine months
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
