Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
