Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
