Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
