nut hugger
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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