So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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