He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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