you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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