Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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